Hi everyone, so sorry for worrying some of you. I received a few private messages saying I had not been on for a while and was I ok. First let me assure you that I did all my work for the admin side of the Pulmonary Hypertension Society. I would do this in the night when I often awake. The people wishing to join must have a response a.s.a.p. we feel so I do that without fail every day. If I am not going to be able I tell Paul and he knows. Paul too informs me if he is going to be away and between us we always have it covered.
It has been a funny week this week, rather stressful too and I must confess it all seemed to be a bit much, not my Facebook friends but life in general. My legs have been wobbly, how I hate this side of ph and I still have three weeks and more until I get my 24 hour heart monitor. I keep reading about how exercise is good for us and of course I do know that it is, heck I began walking with ph and could cover 11 miles from time to time. Not now though and this saddens me as I had formed a walking group for the less able bodied and for the time being it has been shelved. I am truly hoping we can begin again when my meds have been adjusted, or I get back on the line.
My most stressful time began when Roy had his fall, I mentioned this in my last blog. Things went downhill fast after that. As you also know the following day saw us at the hospital with Izzy and her very badly cut lip. Any of us hate to see our little ones hurt and the stress it caused me was to send me spiralling down the abyss of ph.
I managed to go for a coffee with Roy on the Saturday and I could see he was visibly worse in his condition, he could barely hold himself up so I insisted we headed off home and helped him to bed. Rather a case of the blind leading the blind as I could not wait to get to my bed either. Colin was away with the motor home so I had nobody I could call on to help should I need it but I fortunately did not. Of course I have friends but we know how we are, we hate asking for help. It is great when we have the push our partners give us to get up and start the day. I love it when I have a real reason to move my body but there was none other than to check out my bosses house as they were away. I love doing this, being a part of this family and this house for so many years it always feel like coming home The gardens were gorgeous and the weather lovely so I checked all was well and walked around enjoying nature at its best. so I was very very lazy.
On the Sunday after church and checking my bosses house again I just went straight home. As I had not been well at all over the last few weeks I had sadly declined an invitation to Archies christening. I just didn't want to accept an invitation I may not be up to using on the day. This was a real sadness but I was so frightened that at his christening I had a "do" or went "off" so I decided the best option was to decline. So it was that there was nothing that needed to be done so it was an easy option, being lazy on a Sunday afternoon!! I did think about Archie and all the people I would love to have seen so think perhaps I was a little depressed too for not being with them all.
The phone rang at 5.00 and I answered it to hear Sue, Roy's daughter asking if I could go up and give her some advice about Roy, her dad. Of course I headed straight up. The place was a mess. He had such bad diarrhoea and Sue said she had been constantly cleaning it up. I was concerned as I knew he had not had any antibiotics after his terribly bad fall and was worried about an infection. We called the out of hours doctor and was told he would get back to us in two hours though in truth it was almost four hours before one came, The doctor was very nice and quickly assessed the situation and said he needed hospital care so an ambulance was sent for, This arrived very swiftly but it took some time to stabilise Roy (in fact all wasn't stabilised despite all their efforts) and they decided they needed to just move on it) His blood sugar was ver very low and not even two tubes of high glucose could bring it up. He was severely dehydrated too and they, as indeed I feared for the worst.
A long night in the A & E before a bed was found and after an examination the doctor told the family that there was little hope. He was an 87 year old man whose kidneys and heart were shutting down. I know we can say he had a good innings but it was so sad and bought home to me all about both my mother and fathers death so starkly that I sort of went into melt down. He was put on massive doses of infused antibiotics and drips to deal with his dehydration but the toxins in his body were massive. The family were told that the next 48 hours would be critical. Well that marker came and went and I would see a rise and fall in his condition. Yesterday I talked to him whilst they took blood from his wrist, we know how painful this is as the needle goes straight into the main artery. He was so busy taking he didn't notice it so I was pleased about that.
The family were told again that there was very little time left now so of course I came home and left them with Roy only to be rung a few hours later by his grandaughter with the jubilant news that the blood tests showed that he was fighting the kidney problem and things were looking up. Indeed the Doctor said Roy would be drinking champagne in his home in Menorca later in the year. My mood immediately lifted.
Of course though I love Roy dearly nobody can take the place of your parents and the gloom I felt and the very real loss of mine was just so much to the forefront in all of this, it was like I was grieving for them both and my brother all over again. The news that Roy may make it after all helped to lift my mood a little.
Then the best thing happened, the door bust open and there was the sunshine in the shape of my Izzy. She was staying the night due to her mom supporting her boyfriend at the funeral of his grandad. She lights up my life with her lovely manner and loving ways. We had a talk and cuddles and she built lego with grandad, read a book with me, ate her meal, had a bath and bed. My gloom was lifted, I felt revived again!
Now I am sitting here looking out of the study widow at the snow coming down so thick I can barely believe it. I shall go to visit Roy again shortly and hope to see him looking a little better.
My next blog will be more in my usual style but I just wanted you to know I hadn't been poorly, had not gone away on holiday but was in the abyss we all sometimes visit when we have ph! I am due back at Sheffield for my next infusion of the study ferritin in June and then we go off on our cruise. I truly am so looking forward to that as I just love cruising. Never in my wildest thoughts would I have ever believed I would be saying this. I thought they would not be for me, full of boring people who sat and sipped cocktails all day but no, none of it, we have fun on the cruises and I love that there is a taster for further trips in the ports we call at. So for somebody who said no no never when cruises were mentioned I have been on around 15 now! Roll on..
All for now, the hospital visiting calls but trust me I am back and feeling better in myself, just wish the wobbly legs would go away.
Love to all and thanks for the private messages and the liking and sharing of my blog.
Carole xx
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