THERE WERE TEARS - but of joy.

So the verdict came in - no cancer of the mouth.  What a time it had been though and nothing has changed re the state of my mouth at least it is nothing onerous thank goodness.  The specialist was so lovely.  Of course he had to take my history of ailments so there they were IPAH' Severe Spondylitis of the spine' Potential bowel cancer polys so removed yearly.  All of them serious conditions.  I cope ok ish with them all.  I try to live my life as normal as I can but this was the final straw.  Could I cope with yet another disease with the potential to wipe me out!

Like most of us I read Dr Google after my doctor showed her concerns. Yes my tongue looked exactly like two of the ones I googled.  Of course my immune system is low so I could see easily see that a body already already harbouring cancer casing little gremlins could have them shift up from my bowel to my tongue and grow there peacefully away until it was too late.  Oh my how the mind works and this time my positivity I try show and live by became a little chipped.  I knew that one serious deadly illness did not rule out another one so yes. there were fears.

As  I sat in the chair whilst my specialist was looking up the results of a swab that had been taken a few days before I confess now I was scared. He checked over my mouth and tongue very carefully and then given he read the swab results and checked once again he sat down and calmly said "right now lets talk out your mouth cancer" Of course my already overworked heart jumped so high into my throat I thought I would be able to spit it out. He calmly said " I am happy to tell you that you do not have cancer and am so pleased for you.  With all that is going on with your health it would be awful if you had to face that too." I looked at him for a few seconds to make sure that what he had said was real,, it was not me imagining it, no he actually said that.  So the tears of joy came and I could see that he too was a little overcome and so pleased to give me his verdict. We left his office so happy I can tell you!!!

I was stunned by all the messages of goodwill and support for me at this awful time.  It just showed me the measure of care that we have for each other, that we are united in wishing the best for each and every one of us.  I was determined to get hone and post that all was ok.  However once I did get home I could do NOTHING,  My body just packed up.  Everything was too heavy, too hard too above me.  I went to bed and shut out the world.  I think that I had tried to be as positive as I could, carrying on and trying not to let it get to me that my body just went into shut down mode, survival mode that we all have. 

Then a new day dawned, one that gave me hope for the future.  When  I then got on my cardioMEMS machine it showed what had been happening to my body whilst all of this was being dealt with.   Janet who reads them every day rang me to ask how I was as the machine  had given a high reading of the pressures in my lungs. She was wondering if she should talk to Alex who sees overall how things are going with me.  Between us we decided not to as I knew that this is what happens with stress with me, so we really need to try to keep a lid on becoming too stressed.  Easier said than done.  The following day  was back to my normality so all was left well alone.  It is so good to know though that if these pressures showed a constant rising then they would check me out and change or tweak my medicines.  I do not have to wait for hospital appointments or right heart caths.  I am being given a watch that monitors lots of things on my next visit which is the 15th of this month.  Between us we will have all bases covered, I am truly blessed.  

OVERWORK

As the weather is getting nice and Colin had worked incredibly hard making the side garden good for plants we decided to go off and buy plenty.  I already had some rescue ones and a magnolia tree and blueberry bush but we needed so much more. We needed colour to go between the grasses had bought.  Top of the list though were self propagating fruit trees.  The nursery we went to only had one apple one so we took it along with mountains of other plants. We spent a whole afternoon planting them and still have a few that will go up by the side of the steps Colin made out of the trees we took down to build the house.  We have still room for more but need to remember that we want different seasons. No point in everything in bloom at the same time and I was so pleased we did not buy more.  I had forgotten how hard it was to place plants in the correct position, the type of peat or mulch they needed.  We went through buckets of liquid gro more in the hope it does what it says on the tin, makes them double in size.  Now we sit back and hope!!!! My ex employer, now a really good fiend will be coming up to see our efforts over Easter and I feel sure if we have done something wrong she will happily point it out to us so that we can move them before they get too settled.

Aldi were selling a fire pit so we went off to buy one, along with canes etc.  Our idea is to have a sitting area just outside the front/back door.  (We can't think what to call it as technically it is the back door but the views are here, our garden is here so to me that is the front, won't go on though as an augment can follow by better half. Anyway he is a whizz at using his hands to make things and transform things so this small area will have our lovely shrubbery garden with fruit trees at one side whilst the rest will be taken over to us for pleasure. Though we have the main terrace in front of the lounge this small terrace he will build will house the fire pit with a grill on top for ease of making  a simple meal.  We will then have options as to where to sit depending on the sun.  I will also have my vegetable patch here so can sit and watch them hopefully grow. A small table and two chairs will sit nicely here whilst the bigger one will remain on our terrace.  All should be well if we have the stamina to get it all done!  Then will begin the task of the bigger garden area and something we are still planning along with the other side of the house. For such a small plot we have quite a lot of outside space which has surprised us and everyone else a great deal.  When things move on I will take pictures but here is one of steps and a banking put together beautifully by Colin from just a mound of earth and stones. 

GETAWAY

We really need to have a few days off so we have decided it will be very soon as Lucy, who takes care of our cleaning has friends due over.  She will stay here with her hubby and friends and take care of watering our new plants whilst we go away. Colin is doing a three day bike ride so I aim to go with him for the first stage and meet him at the last. Typically something always upsets the apple cart and this time it is a family matter we really MUST sort out before we go away.  My stress levels run high with this one and I am so upset for my son with all he is facing.  I cannot share it here as personal to him but as a mother we never stop worrying about our children. Though he can sill be a stroppy lad at times this is something as a family we are trying to deal with where we can and support where we cannot. for him. My heart breaks but all we can do is be there for him and offer support and love whilst he faces what lies ahead.  I know he will come through it but there are hard and scary times to be dealt with first.

ALEXA!!!! 

Get your act together Alexa.  Though she often comes back to me with things nothing to do about what I have asked her the reason is that I do not word the questions correctly. Colin always says please and thank you to her so he had asked her to set a timer for the meal he was cooking.  He sometimes without thinking says muchas gracious and this time, when he said the words she responded " I do not know how much grass costs at this time"  The three of us laughed as we could see how muchas gracious could be asking the question as to how much grass costs!  She came out with another one later but cannot remember it.

PATRICIA NELSON

I have had many people asking if I knew anything about Patricia as she is not responding to posts.  I can tell you she has been readmitted to hospital, Shrewsbury this time and she is suffering with a urinary infection.  These can be really bad and lay us very low so she is at least getting good care for this. She is hoping to be able to correspond later as her health improves.

BREXIT

How I tire of this.  Regardless of how any of you that vote did so the politicians ought to be ashamed of themselves.  No wonder we are a laughing stock of the world.  Fighting like kids, laughing when they see put down of other politicians remarks etc.  John Bercow is a rubbish speaker and needs to be moved out.  He is so on one side and it should not be allowed.  He promised to be impartial but he does not even know what impartial stands for.  I give up.  No wonder Europe is turning to him for light relief. he makes a laughing stock of all that was good in British Politics today.


Ending on a happier note.  Though Timmy the rabbit has gone and will no more frolic in the garden with Bluebell these two house cats still make the family very happy.  One of them in particular is very fond of Colin. She runs to him when he arrives and sits by his side looking up at him with a very loving expression on her face.

Danielle said 'oh that is a surprise as she is generally the more aloof one - I believe he has fallen in love with you!'  I hope he does not get any ideas about us having a cat -  we have enough to be going on with right now.


Leaving on a happier note remember for those of you in the UK our conference is just around the corner.!!!!  We are so excited and looking forward to spending time together once again.

OK I will leave you now and look forward to any comments, likes etc.

Warm love to each and every one of you.

Carole xxx