TWO WEEKS TO GO

Colin has been keeping very active indeed to keep up his fitness for LEJOG which begins less than two weeks away now.  Apart from his usual keeping up his fitness on his bike and his general exercises he does daily he has loads of work to do regarding the house.

As we had just been away for five weeks clearly there was much work needed to be done.  I said how veg patches had been moved or hoed etc but he has now begun cleaning all the stone paths around the house.  Not a small task as we seem to have lots of it and what with that and trying to get ahead with every other task he never seems to stop.  However he is in a good place and can’t wait for his PH project to begin.  He is having a T Shirt made by the PH Society and will wear it each evening when he gets to his hotel to try to raise awareness again for us.

Everything is now in place including his last train home when he has finished  This has been a nightmare as strangely enough you cannot book one seat, no you need to book two one being for your bike!  You do not pay for two and the bike does not go in the compartment with you it is just how it works.  Anyway last bit done now and my task is to get him to the station at Leeds early doors so he can catch his train to the beginning of his journey.

LEAVING ME IN A GOOD PLACE

When Colin goes he goes with the knowledge that right now regarding my pah I am in  good position.  We saw my trial doctor today and he is so pleased with all my tests and in particular the day when I walked 11 miles!  (we are pleased with the walk too)  so all appears to be well.  I will attend Sheffield again in a month as it comes to the and of this particular trial.  I have been asked if I wish to continue on the medicine (still don’t know if placebo or meds though they tell me I should know when I stop trial and start med)  of course I said  yes as anything  for ph and always hoping for a good result for us all.  

NEW BUT NOT FOR A GOOD CAUSE

We went into Harrogate yesterday so Colin could get his bike serviced before the ride.  As we had to wait for a while we decided to do some shopping for clothes.  I had gone through my wardrobe and got a huge bag for the charity bag and need to replace.  We found a great shop and the assistants were absolutely fabulous.  They sorted Colin out with a fabulous jacket with beautiful colourful lining and the most amazing shirt I have ever seen.Though reluctant at first to try the shirt on he was persuaded by myself and the assistant.  The fit is so good and the material so lovely he just had to say yes.  Job done for him but there was a ladies section upstairs so up I went.  The assistant immediately pulled out three pieces which she felt would flatter me and the colours were so me.  I tried them on and she was right.  Job done except the trousers were too long so this necessitated in a drive to a local store where they turned them up within 24 hours.  Now all I need to do is iron said items and we are ready for the sad day when our friend is laid to rest.  As he was so well known in the world of business and play we know there will be hundreds attending so we are aware that we may not even get in to listen to the service and will need to listen from outside so to that end we are taking big coats too so ready if needed.  It will be a very sad day to say goodbye to Pete.

IZZY IS DOING WELL 

We have Izzy for two weeks while her parents are on honeymoon.  I have to say that to date she is behaving really well, though she always does for us.  We are having a good time with her and she is eating well and doing any tasks with a smile that we put her way.  She has learnt that if she rinses her hair really well after shampooing and conditioning her hair well she really does not have to wash it every day.  The proof was today as she went off to school with a head of clean smelling lovely shining hair on day five after washing.  Dare I hope that she maintains this regime as her mom say she is very lazy regarding rinsing of it.  I hope that I have taught her a valuable lesson that to take a little time can save a load of time in the right circumstances.  We shall see.  

Hair wash day tomorrow so will be very interesting.  I have begun using a hair care regime by Kevin Murphy and love it so I bought her some little bottles to try.  If she does well with it I will treat her to the big bottles.

As this blog comes to an end I will once more put in the link to Colin’s LEJOG “Just Giving” page, anyone wishing to donate to our PAH charity via this may do so from there, I believe it is straight forward.  My donations will go in when he begins the ride in the hope that it may jog (pardon the pun) others to do the same.  It is all a really good cause and so necessary we support groups such as these.

Click on this link : -  https://bit.ly/LeJogForPHAUK

If you have trouble donating please contact me and I feel sure we can sort something out.   

In the meantime  I send you all warm love and good wishes  as the weather turns better and we can enjoy some mild weather.

Carole xxxxxx         

THE DAY LOOMS EVER CLOSER.

Our five week sojourn to Spain has come to an end and we spent our first night here in our own home cosy and warm against the outside temperature being much lower than we had just left behind us.   Colin did amazingly well keeping up his cycling ready for LEJOG, his bike ride across the length of the UK from May 4th to raise much needed funds for our PH UK Association.  If there are people out there still willing to give then please do so, the link is below.  For those that receive one of our amazing PHA magazines Colin features in the latest spring edition.  

Link you need to copy and paste  -          bit.ly/LeJogForPHAUK

I have received messages from a few people who have tried to give and the page just does not seem to accept their donation.  I do not know why and looked it up on Google.  They do tell you how to get over this and donate so please now is the time.  All preparations except for one leg of his train ride home from Scotland are now in place so no going back.  

It has been some journey getting where I am now from Christmas.  After my time in hospital  suffering badly from RSV I feared never getting back to any level of fitness.  I was determined though to try but my body did not cooperate.  I am  writing this to those that feel like giving up.  I feel most of us have done from time to time when the going gets so tough.  

I met with my specialist just before going on holiday and expressed my frustration at not being better almost two months on from infection,  he reminded me that I had been very very poorly when admitted and recovery takes a long time.  I asked if I would be able to get back to walking considering the results of all my tests.  He was very hopeful but said it may not be whilst I was away, it may take longer.  I was aghast at this and told him I would ensure that I would do my very best to walk along the ocean daily extending my steps as and when I felt able.  However it seemed there was a likelihood that we may not even get away at all.  I just could not hold down anything.  I was constantly sick and just needed to rest all the time.  The decision should we go, could we go was open to the very last morning of our departure and the two friends we were going with were not advised until just before we left home.  Once on the ferry I did seem to recover somewhat and felt hopeful for the future.  

Things did not go too well for Colin who got a really bad tummy infection which left him a drained wreck.  There were talks of who would drive who if he did not recover enough to make the journey through Spain.  He rallied however and though still feeling drained was able to drive us to our first stopover at a Parador Hotel.  All was not well with me however as the sickness returned with a vengeance and I declined dinner on our first night and had a few spoons of soup in our room.  My trusty sick bowls travelled with us all the way and were well used.  

On arriving at our apartment things took a turn for the worst with one of our group not feeling quite right in the tummy department and me getting this infection really badly.  I was unable to keep food or drink down me for six days until we decided enough was enough.  I was so cold despite the temperature being high and even a dressing gown and thick blankets could not stop me from feeling freezing,  My belly hurt so bad and my eyes were sunken and my skin looked grey.  Colin was on one of his bike rides with a friend who had gone biking with us and I was on the couch when I turned to another friend and said I was ready to go to the hospital as this could not go on.  I won’t go into details but believe me I had never been so poorly with a tummy bug before and it just went on and on and on.  The guys returned from their bike ride and Colin took me to Dénia hospital where to cut a long story short I stayed in overnight and was rehydrated for 17 hours and given two lots of antibiotics through a drip and sent home with two more lots of oral antibiotics.  It seemed my body was in quite a state.  On arriving back at the apartment the following day we had made the decision if no real improvement we would head back to the UK.  That night I was very sick and so we were all fearing the worst but hey……..  after a restless night I woke to a day feeling way better and so the walking began.  

Steadily at first I walked and I walked and I walked, one day doing almost eleven miles so I was so chuffed. I never did less than seven miles a day which for me is 17500 steps but often I was achieving way over 22 and 23000 steps depending on what we were up to, one day doing just short of 11 miles.   I sent my specialist a message asking him to check out all my readings from his end and he was so pleased I had achieved my goal.  Is this a result of the trial drug I am on or just the fact that the weather was so lovely and the scenery whilst waking along the ocean front was so breathtaking I do not know but I was ecstatic.  

Colin and his friend continued with the bike riding twice a week and walking some of the mountains and exploring caves so he was a happy chappie.  Morning coffees were taken by the side of the ocean in the port daily, or even a few times daily and very much enjoyed.

We did spend time with lots of our friends that live in Spain either enjoying long leisurely lunches and walking around the different villages around us.  Sadly one of our group caught a terrible chest infection.  Of course our concern was for him but also fear for me as I knew I could not cope with another one.  So his second week was spent on antibiotics with no real improvement so he required a second course which appeared to do the trick.. These illnesses of course curtailed some of the plans we had made before we left England but at least we had the sunshine and made the most of the days we could get out and about,   

Colin and I decided to cut our stay short in the apartment due to circumstances and travel up through Spain spoiling ourselves by staying  in gorgeous hotels and seeing parts of Spain we had never visited before or had just flashed through whilst travelling.  This was an eye opener and we were often open mouthed staring at their beautiful statues, or plazas or many of the gorgeous buildings.  Our hotels on route were stunning and the breakfasts out of this world, though we did decline the Cava lots of the guests were helping themselves to for breakfast, it’s not really our thing.  

We spent our final night in Spain in Santander in a fabulous hotel and for the first time ever walked around this city we had always believed to be too industrial to bother looking around and oh how wrong we were.  What an amazing place with lots to see and views around every corner.  We enjoyed our best steak EVER here in a restaurant thanks to a maitre de  who took pity on us,  We  had not realised that Saturday it seems all of Spain go out for a meal so we were turned away from one after another eating places.  We could have got in at some that were  playing loud music and and televisions for sport but that is so not us so around and around we searched but also admiring the cobbled streets filled with bars and restaurants, no trouble with drunkards  here and everyone having a good time.  We realised Santander had much to offer and promised ourselves god willing a return visit here in the future.  Anyway I digress, we eventually hit upon a lovely looking restaurant and it appeared to be empty.  Generally we would walk away asking ourselves why was it empty but it looked so pretty and clean and rumbling bellies led us in and we asked for a table.  At first it did not look promising but two of the guys got together and decided they could seat us.  How grateful we were as once we took to our seats the place just filled up with those with reservations, It was packed.  

We chose a starter to share and it was tempura prawns. My word never had we tasted any prawns this good. A huge dish appeared on the table and here we were, faced with prawns in the lightest batter with a little chilli we felt and lots of chopped chives on the top.  They had cut the prawns into bite sized pieces and covered them with the tempura batter and seasoning. The bowl was huge and we both said thank goodness we had only ordered one starter to share.  The menu was extensive but we both decided on an entrecôte steak though half dreading if the steak was not cooked correctly or was tough,  none of it though.  It was perfectly seasoned with the right amount of pink, no blood seeping out of it into the salad. The pepper sauce was just right and the steaks could be cut with a butter knife.  We declared our last full meal to be perfect and left them a good tip to show our appreciation for being given a table and such great food.  We then enjoyed our walk back to our  hotel for our final night in Spain.  

Packing our car the following day we were glad of such a big underground garage to repack our things and for me to retrieve my trial meds to take back to my hospital  on the way home.  We noted a few cars with the UK sticker and assumed that like us they were headed for the ferry.  Up we went in the car lift, a first for us and out to search for our final breakfast.  We had decided against the hotel as we wanted to walk and wander and explore to get an appetite before leaving Santander. We parked our car at the ferry port and did more meandering. Then sadly we said goodbye to Spain and headed off for my visit to Sheffield for my trial appointment.

We stayed overnight at Halifax Hotel in Sheffield, close to the hospital and hoped this appointment would not be too long. We had a boot full of five weeks of everything we deemed necessary for our stay and just wanted to get back to deal with it,  Fortunately we were only there for around four hours and all seems well.  So home it was to three lots of washing and a beautifully cleaned house. We were greeted by Izzy who had been looking out for our car and the biggest hugs from her in a long time. She was so glad we were home and she helped us ( a little) with our unpacking.  Both of us decided we could not be bothered shopping so managed with things from the freezer.  We had bought the biggest sack of mandarins from a local market where the guy that picked them had just arrived with a new batch. First they insisted we try one which we were happy to and then he poured us a sackful of the ones he had just picked from the trees fresh that morning.  We gave Izzy a big bowl full and are looking forward to walking with a couple in our pockets later once organised. Three lots of washing dome and we are back on track.  We shall see what today brings and keep you informed of Colin’s journey toward LeJog and his fundraising for such a worthwhile cause.  

One of the donations he received was from the sister of Pete Duffy who sadly lost his life to ph and the donation was in his memory,  The ones we lose to ph are never forgotten and we felt so blessed to receive this.  I tried to reflect on the ones gone before but it is too painful to think for long which is why we need to fund more research and keep receiving all the info we are given by our PH Association we owe so much to.  My hope is one day there is a cure so every penny helps at funding this cause,  Please if you have not donated I am actually begging you now to give whatever you feel you can. This disease causes so much heartache for the patient and families of those affected by such a cruel disease.  The day looms ever closer for Colin to get on his bike and don his ph t shirt ( which we have forgotten to ask Mary to order so must do it today ) and ride off into the sunset to raise us much needed funds.  

Hope this blog finds you all as well as can be and know that I care for each and every one of you. 

Must get up now to begin the day.  

Warm love 

Carole. Xxx

WHAT A FRIGHTENING WAY TO START MY DAY!!!!!

I have long considered myself to be a strong independent person.  My life has not always been easy and I can’t say it has always been happy but i did consider myself to be in a good place right now a happily married woman with kids and grandchildren.  Like everyone there have been pitfalls to climb out of, some of my own making and some through others but I have always seemed to cope with what was thrown at me.  One of my sayings was “down but not out” when going through bad stages in life.  Something happened tonight that knocked the stuffing clean out of me, kicked my legs from under me and left me a pure shrivelling wreck - a person with no voice to answer back or energy to deal with my life threatening  predicament. 

I am in hospital right now due to catching a cold which quickly turned into a cough.  Yes to somebody immunosuppressed or pulmonary arterial hypertension that is all it took a simple  cold for me to face up to the brutal reality that I am not invincible after all.  That I am in fact nothing more than a piece of blotting paper laying on the ground in the rain.  All it takes is for the blotting paper to become too wet before it becomes nothing more than a piece of mush, unable to be used at all.  Try and pick up the paper and it reduces it even further to just a squelchy mess and here is where I found myself in the early hours of this morning.  

I was admitted to my local hospital due to low oxygen levels which had hit me like a sledge hammer.  Only two days before I had been to my specialist centre and had almost the full works, bloods, 6 minute walk test, ecg, echo and the list goes on.  We were all so pleased to see how well I was doing. These were my check ups for a trial am for my illness so were very thorough  For those without any knowledge of pulmonary hypertension please read up on it not forgetting the PULMONARY  hypertension which turns it into another ball game than the hypertension many people may have. I have pulmonary ARTERIAL hypertension . So feeling secure for a while in the knowledge that this heart and lungs so badly damaged when first diagnosed it was deemed ready for the knackers yard had -  due  to the wonders of science, researchers, doctors, nurses and yes you name it the list goes on of people the who have kept me safe -  led me to a safe haven for yet another length of time.  

Moving on then to my admission to my local hospital reluctantly as I did not want to use up the precious time of our overworked NHS staff and resources I had to admit defeat.  Being plugged into an oxygen machine for the first time as an absolute must became something very scary indeed.  I fly with oxygen always but never needed it throughout  my daily life. I have been checked out for this but fortunately was deemed too well for it.  My experience now of being unable to move from the bed unplugged without canisters and nose plugs or face masks has given me yet a greater understanding of how it is to live for those burdened in this way.  There is a way for those who do not have this condition to see how it is to live with the narrowing of lungs in daily life.  Put a straw in your mouth and a peg on your nose and then try to go about your business.  Yes the air you breathe will be sucked into your lungs through the straw, let me tell you it is tough, very tough but that is everyday life for lots with this condition.  Please let’s see this condition for what it is, life limiting, life threatening and even though thanks to research and new meds our status can often now be termed life shortening instead of terminal ( though indeed it can be terminal too) we do lead a more limiting life than most. Yes there are a lot of words with limiting in that sentence but that is the fact, limiting life,   

Now I am rambling.  So here I am in my hospital bed and liaising with my family at home and my wonderful PHA UK association team as my hubby of 24 years and our ph media is putting together a press release  and a JUST GIVING page for PH research  You will read more about Colin’s story on Facebook and media so this is not about his challenge but to ask you though to please if you can and do donate do not leave it there.  Equally as important as donations which go directly to our society I am asking you to share if you will any media about this condition to raise vital awareness about this very rare unknown condition,  It just may save the life of yourself or a loved one someday.  It can be just one of the articles read and almost forgotten that sits at the back of your mind that may resurface and jog a memory and move things on to a quicker diagnosis and better outcome for others.  

Now back to my story,  Despite lots of meds and oxygen plus changes in antibiotics I am still plugged in 24/7 to this life saving oxygen.  Just to go to the loo only feet from my bed means I have to unplug from the wall, plug into a canister which goes with me to the loo and back, unplug said canister, plug back into the wall and stuff mask on face and lay down to recover.  My heart goes out each and every time to those of my friends who do this 24 hours a day whether through ph or transplant,  Life is so tough.  

My experience this morning was one I never wish to repeat.  I had thought maybe life was getting better.  Despite one doctor feeling I may have a blood clot myself and another doctor thought not which has proven to be true, my predicament has proven to be NOT a clot but the after affects of a cold I caught which quickly turned into a chest infection limiting even more the power I had in my lungs.  So I was feeling on the up, yes still poorly for sure but more upbeat about it, less scared.   A good friend had visited and helped me to shower in a calm and peaceful manner ( first shower in a week as too poorly to cope before ) and rubbed moisturiser on my poor cracked and broken skin due to the systemic scleroderma.  Life had to be getting better didn’t it,  I had a couple of nose bleeds so oxygen pressures were taken down a notch and I was still managing as long as I was plugged in so surely things were on the up.  

Fast forward then to 5 am this morning.  I woke with my whole  body screaming out for breath but none would come, Never do I recall fearing death was so close.  Not only was it snapping at my heels but it’s teeth were snarling into my face as it tried to take me out from this world and into its dark and dismal own.  I was on the road to hell.  I could feel nothing but terror when I realised I had lost my oxygen, I was no longer attached to this life saving pump which had been keeping me alive.  I was on my own and it showed me how absolutely necessary this pump was to me at this time.  My body was screaming out for air but I had no strength to shout out for help, no strength to scramble to find my call button, no strength to do anything.  My desperate gargles because that is all they were and feeble gasps bought two nurses running.  Fortunately my bed is the closest it could be to their station and they quickly took charge.  One found the oxygen and attached me again whilst the other pumped up the flow to get my pressures under control.  The enormity of what could have happened and the realisation of how fragile this life is hit me once again so giving me the heading for this blog about blotting paper.  I am not so tough as I believed I was and like blotting paper which has its uses that can be gone in an instant if faced with a deluge of water so too could I have been without the oxygen and the quick thinking actions of the wonderful nurses who tore into action and saved the day. 

After recovering from being a blubbering, shaking quivering wreck I felt the need to write this blog and hope that there are some who will when they find the Just Giving page please donate.  ALL MONIES go directly to the cause,  Colin has funded this whole journey himself and was happy to do so in the hopes of raising of course money but also awareness of this shocking disease.  The link to the page is below and you will be helping such a wonderful charity.  By the way if you are a taxpayer there is a button to click which gives even more to the cause through the government.  You will be able to see each day Colin’s journey on Le Jog ( Lands End to John o Groats ) unaided, no support, all under his own steam, a one man band indeed.  For those on twitter etc if you would be so kind as to share as and when this story to whoever you have my heartfelt thanks, we need to share it far and wide.  It could be your loved one one day dealing with such things. Let’s work as a whole and do all we can to spread awareness for diseases that are so rare they are little understood,  All it takes is a click of the share button but it would mean so much to the cause of awareness of pulmonary hypertension. 

So another day looms for me attached to my pumps, right now I am also attached to my transfusion of antibiotics The doctors and nurses are calmly going about their business taking care of us all in such a wonderful way and thanks to their quick action I am able to write this blog.  Yes the blotting paper is drying out thanks to them and though I will never ever forget this experience and hope it is one I never endure again it has given me a greater understanding of lots of my ph friends worldwide.  

So as you go about your day I wish you a peaceful one my friends, I wish for you calm and good health.  

The link to the page is below and I leave it to you if you feel you can donate but if you do not then at least by reading this a tiny seed has been planted that may help you to one day bring about the much needed awareness of such a worthy cause.  

Warm love to each and every one of you from this partially dried out blotting paper.

The link - https://bit.ly/LeJogForPHAUK

Carole 

I AM NOTHING MORE THAN A PIECE OF BLOTTING PAPER AFTER ALL

I have long considered myself to be a strong independent person.  My life has not always been easy and I can’t say it has always been happy but i did consider myself to be in a good place right now a happily married woman with kids and grandchildren.  Like everyone there have been pitfalls to climb out of, some of my own making and some through others but I have always seemed to cope with what was thrown at me.  One of my sayings was “down but not out” when going through bad stages in life.  Something happened tonight that knocked the stuffing clean out of me, kicked my legs from under me and left me a pure shrivelling wreck - a person with no voice to answer back or energy to deal with my life threatening  predicament. 

I am in hospital right now due to catching a cold which quickly turned into a cough.  Yes to somebody immunosuppressed or pulmonary arterial hypertension that is all it took a simple  cold for me to face up to the brutal reality that I am not invincible after all.  That I am in fact nothing more than a piece of blotting paper laying on the ground in the rain.  All it takes is for the blotting paper to become too wet before it becomes nothing more than a piece of mush, unable to be used at all.  Try and pick up the paper and it reduces it even further to just a squelchy mess and here is where I found myself in the early hours of this morning.  

I was admitted to my local hospital due to low oxygen levels which had hit me like a sledge hammer.  Only two days before I had been to my specialist centre and had almost the full works, bloods, 6 minute walk test, ecg, echo and the list goes on.  We were all so pleased to see how well I was doing. These were my check ups for a trial am for my illness so were very thorough  For those without any knowledge of pulmonary hypertension please read up on it not forgetting the PULMONARY  hypertension which turns it into another ball game than the hypertension many people may have. I have pulmonary ARTERIAL hypertension . So feeling secure for a while in the knowledge that this heart and lungs so badly damaged when first diagnosed it was deemed ready for the knackers yard had -  due  to the wonders of science, researchers, doctors, nurses and yes you name it the list goes on of people the who have kept me safe -  led me to a safe haven for yet another length of time.  

Moving on then to my admission to my local hospital reluctantly as I did not want to use up the precious time of our overworked NHS staff and resources I had to admit defeat.  Being plugged into an oxygen machine for the first time as an absolute must became something very scary indeed.  I fly with oxygen always but never needed it throughout  my daily life. I have been checked out for this but fortunately was deemed too well for it.  My experience now of being unable to move from the bed unplugged without canisters and nose plugs or face masks has given me yet a greater understanding of how it is to live for those burdened in this way.  There is a way for those who do not have this condition to see how it is to live with the narrowing of lungs in daily life.  Put a straw in your mouth and a peg on your nose and then try to go about your business.  Yes the air you breathe will be sucked into your lungs through the straw, let me tell you it is tough, very tough but that is everyday life for lots with this condition.  Please let’s see this condition for what it is, life limiting, life threatening and even though thanks to research and new meds our status can often now be termed life shortening instead of terminal ( though indeed it can be terminal too) we do lead a more limiting life than most. Yes there are a lot of words with limiting in that sentence but that is the fact, limiting life,   

Now I am rambling.  So here I am in my hospital bed and liaising with my family at home and my wonderful PHA UK association team as my hubby of 24 years and our ph media is putting together a press release  and a JUST GIVING page for PH research  You will read more about Colin’s story on Facebook and media so this is not about his challenge but to ask you though to please if you can and do donate do not leave it there.  Equally as important as donations which go directly to our society I am asking you to share if you will any media about this condition to raise vital awareness about this very rare unknown condition,  It just may save the life of yourself or a loved one someday.  It can be just one of the articles read and almost forgotten that sits at the back of your mind that may resurface and jog a memory and move things on to a quicker diagnosis and better outcome for others.  

Now back to my story,  Despite lots of meds and oxygen plus changes in antibiotics I am still plugged in 24/7 to this life saving oxygen.  Just to go to the loo only feet from my bed means I have to unplug from the wall, plug into a canister which goes with me to the loo and back, unplug said canister, plug back into the wall and stuff mask on face and lay down to recover.  My heart goes out each and every time to those of my friends who do this 24 hours a day whether through ph or transplant,  Life is so tough.  

My experience this morning was one I never wish to repeat.  I had thought maybe life was getting better.  Despite one doctor feeling I may have a blood clot myself and another doctor thought not which has proven to be true, my predicament has proven to be NOT a clot but the after affects of a cold I caught which quickly turned into a chest infection limiting even more the power I had in my lungs.  So I was feeling on the up, yes still poorly for sure but more upbeat about it, less scared.   A good friend had visited and helped me to shower in a calm and peaceful manner ( first shower in a week as too poorly to cope before ) and rubbed moisturiser on my poor cracked and broken skin due to the systemic scleroderma.  Life had to be getting better didn’t it,  I had a couple of nose bleeds so oxygen pressures were taken down a notch and I was still managing as long as I was plugged in so surely things were on the up.  

Fast forward then to 5 am this morning.  I woke with my whole  body screaming out for breath but none would come, Never do I recall fearing death was so close.  Not only was it snapping at my heels but it’s teeth were snarling into my face as it tried to take me out from this world and into its dark and dismal own.  I was on the road to hell.  I could feel nothing but terror when I realised I had lost my oxygen, I was no longer attached to this life saving pump which had been keeping me alive.  I was on my own and it showed me how absolutely necessary this pump was to me at this time.  My body was screaming out for air but I had no strength to shout out for help, no strength to scramble to find my call button, no strength to do anything.  My desperate gargles because that is all they were and feeble gasps bought two nurses running.  Fortunately my bed is the closest it could be to their station and they quickly took charge.  One found the oxygen and attached me again whilst the other pumped up the flow to get my pressures under control.  The enormity of what could have happened and the realisation of how fragile this life is hit me once again so giving me the heading for this blog about blotting paper.  I am not so tough as I believed I was and like blotting paper which has its uses that can be gone in an instant if faced with a deluge of water so too could I have been without the oxygen and the quick thinking actions of the wonderful nurses who tore into action and saved the day. 

After recovering from being a blubbering, shaking quivering wreck I felt the need to write this blog and hope that there are some who will when they find the Just Giving page please donate.  ALL MONIES go directly to the cause,  Colin has funded this whole journey himself and was happy to do so in the hopes of raising of course money but also awareness of this shocking disease.  The link to the page is below and you will be helping such a wonderful charity.  By the way if you are a taxpayer there is a button to click which gives even more to the cause through the government.  You will be able to see each day Colin’s journey on Le Jog ( Lands End to John o Groats ) unaided, no support, all under his own steam, a one man band indeed.  For those on twitter etc if you would be so kind as to share as and when this story to whoever you have my heartfelt thanks, we need to share it far and wide.  It could be your loved one one day dealing with such things. Let’s work as a whole and do all we can to spread awareness for diseases that are so rare they are little understood,  All it takes is a click of the share button but it would mean so much to the cause of awareness of pulmonary hypertension. 

So another day looms for me attached to my pumps, right now I am also attached to my transfusion of antibiotics The doctors and nurses are calmly going about their business taking care of us all in such a wonderful way and thanks to their quick action I am able to write this blog.  Yes the blotting paper is drying out thanks to them and though I will never ever forget this experience and hope it is one I never endure again it has given me a greater understanding of lots of my ph friends worldwide.  

So as you go about your day I wish you a peaceful one my friends, I wish for you calm and good health.  

The link to the page is below and I leave it to you if you feel you can donate but if you do not then at least by reading this a tiny seed has been planted that may help you to one day bring about the much needed awareness of such a worthy cause.  

Warm love to each and every one of you from this partially dried out blotting paper.

The link - https://bit.ly/LeJogForPHAUK

Carole 

This is a Test

Just testing to see if my blog uploader is working.

UPDATES!!

It has been a while for sure since I sat at this commuter to write a blog and I thought a quick update first on my systemic sclerosis, the medicine I am taking seems to be doing a great  job on me.  When I met with my specialist three weeks ago he wrote on my notes “astonishing”  this was in relation to the tightness that was in my arms legs and shoulders.  My skin was stretched so very tightly that of course it hurt a lot.  As it slackened off I found myself being able to get up from the floor without  help which is great, I can wring out a dish cloth instead of leaving a soggy messy one in the bowl and I can also open a can on my own.  Whilst these things do not seem high on the can do list believe me they impacted a great deal on my life and so he relief is beyond words.  On the downside I have my bingo wings back!  As my skin slackened off gradually they returned.    Ah well we can’t have it all.

NEW TRIAL

I cannot mention the name of the trial I am hoping to go on but will update later in the blog if and when I am informed  I may do so.  That is if I actually get on it.  My recent echo showed such good results that I was told by the doctor who did it that if he had not known I had ph he would not have realised from the results.  Now as more tests are carried out we will wait to see if I am bad enough to go on this.  I have divided opinions, sad if I cannot as this will likely be my last trial, I have done so many but pleased that my condition seems to be stable. I sill put this down to the denervation which seems to have stopped my pressures rising.  It was a huge thing to undertake but is amazing the difference it makes.  I am told it has been approved in China, I may have the wrong country but anyway approved somewhere but not here yet  so I wait with bated breath for it to be  offered. Though they had hoped one hundred would trial this it sadly turned out to be just 17.  I do understand people being nervous about it but  now the proof is out there maybe others will feel they can do it when and if offered.  

Now I must get on and go next door to see Izzy.  She is growing so quickly and it makes me smile when I look out of the window in the morning to see her walking down the road with her backpack on to catch her bus to school.  Now more independent each day I feel pride but also sadness that she has left behind all those childhood ways that pleased us so much.  We did our best helping Danielle and later Chris raising her and feel we did a really good job.  Our role now is not so great but we are still an integral part of the family and always will be.  It always reminds me of the Abba song “Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning”  The song is about regrets that you did not do all you hoped to do with them and they keep sort of growing into the next phase of your life without your realising it.  I always think of it with my daughter too.  Time moves so quickly and things take over and before we know it they have grown and gone on heir own sweet way.  ……. ah well such is life.

Danielle does say that without us and our help she would not have been able to progress in her career as much as she has done.  Colin has taught her much about management and people! and we are a phone call away to offer any help we can do I do feel pleased of the difference we have made to their lives.  More importantly though we feel so blessed to have been able to guide and help Izzy on her way, from a new born to the 12 year old young lady she is today.  

We are meeting friends for lunch today and hope when we return to get a picture of Colin and his bike to put as a profile one on the sponsorship page.  Thank goodness for our family next door who have set this up for us.

LEJOG

Colin is intending to ride from Lands End to John o Groats, the whole length of Great Britain for US.  World awareness day for ph  is on May 5th so he will begin his mammoth ride a few days earlier so that he is actually riding on that specific day.   

Colin likes solitude fortunately and he has chosen to do this on his own.  Of course you will need to see where he is each day, that is a given but I am hoping to have a word with our very own Sarah Marshall whose hubby Phil also did a mammoth fund raising.  How many of us woke in the night just so we could follow his blue blob on the map.  We have no clue of how to go about doing that but hoping they can give us some pointers.  

Our own ph society which amongst the trillion other things they do for us publish our Emphasis magazine and we are hoping that a feature will be done in that to raise more awareness.  Mary who does the features will be in touch with us at a later date re this.  Sean is helping us too as he is talking us through the various aspects of fundraising and I know he will only be a phone call away.  (He did actually ask if Colin knew what he was taking on as they had looked at the map and went WOW) Yes he does.  

Let me tell you a little about Colin.  He has always been active and threw himself into teaching children at Sea Scouts how to canoe safely.  He led many walks with them over the Yorkshire Dales and our beautiful Lake District.  Trying to make sure our Izzy enjoyed his outdoors activities he has taken her up mountains and made sure she grew to love the country as he did.  When we lived in Spain he joined the local Mountain Walking group and it was not long before he was leading walks in the mountains of the Costa Blanca and ultimately he was invited to join the groups A Team.  One had to be invited to join this group and there were not many asked to do so.  They were and still are considered to be the elite of mountain walkers that venture out to do amazing walks over almost impossible terrain and abseiling down places etc.  In fact the  Guardia {Spanish Police} called upon this team to help them in the search for a missing walker.  When the A Team arrived one could hear an intake of breath as these mostly retired walkers turned up.  However they quickly went on to realise they could not cover the terrain as these more experienced walkers and decided to set up camp lower down the mountainand let the A Team carry on!  Respect for this team grew ever stronger.  

Colin appreciates all that has been done for me and all of us inflicted with this terrible disease.  We need to raise awareness yes of course but we also need more funds so in appreciation of all that has been and is still being done for us all  he has decided to do this challenge.  Not bad for an old guy of 74 years.  

He is in training now, this cannot begin on the day the challenge begins.  Fitness has to be built up gradually and he goes for many a 70 mile ride on a Sunday or takes the motor home to different places that are challenging for bike riders and throws himself into each day with gusto.

We are planning to spend time in Spain on the lead up to this challenge as it is very taxing for bike riders and where we used to live teams from all over Europe do their training there.   Colin will be doing a lot of riding over there to make sure he is fit for the job.

He has already booked accommodation for most his of the journey so he is aware that he cannot slack at all,, the miles must be done but he has a purpose and that is to do all he can too give back to the A Teams that keep us all alive.  To say thank you to the ones that have gone before us, to try to help the ones that will come after us and  to honour all inflicted with ph and just generally do all he can for our society.   

I could go on but he has just shouted up the stairs “don’t be saying too much! “  Those that know him know he is a private person and so to put himself out there is a huge step for him believe me.  

I can only hope that all those that are able will go onto the JUST GIVING page when it is organised and show your appreciation for everything that is ph.  

I will from time to time send snippets of him training and tell you where he is up to in his planning to keep it in your minds,  I feel sure you will appreciate what he intends to do!

Well enough for now  I will write a normal blog later but this needs to be out there now, so I am told by those in the know!  

Love as ever

Carole xxx

PAYBACK !!

It has been a while for sure since I sat at this commuter to write a blog.  This one begins with my telling you what Colin is up to as we hope to raise money for ph.  He is intending to ride from Lands End to John o Groats, the whole length of Great Britain for US.  World awareness day for ph  is on May 5th so he will begin his mammoth ride on the 3rd May so that he is actually riding on that specific day.   

Colin likes solitude fortunately and he has chosen to do this on his own.  Of course you will need to see where he is each day, that is a given but I am hoping to have a word with our very own Sarah Marshall whose hubby Phil also did a mammoth fund raising.  How many of us woke in the night just so we could follow his blue blob on the map.  We have no clue of how to go about doing that but hoping they can give us some pointers.  

Our own ph society which amongst the trillion other things they do for us publish our Emphasis magazine and we are hoping that a feature will be done in that to raise more awareness.  Mary who does the features will be in touch with us at a later date re this.  Sean is helping us too as he is talking us through the various aspects of fundraising and I know he will only be a phone call away.  {he did actually ask if Colin knew shat he was taking on as they had looked at the map and went WOW}  Yes he does.  

Let me tell you a little about Colin.  He has always been active and threw himself into teaching children at Sea Scouts how to canoe safely.  He walked with the children following him over the 3 Peaks and took many children, along with other adults of course tracking and camping in our beautiful Lake District.  Trying to make sure our Izzy enjoyed his outdoors activities he has taken her up mountains and made sure she grew to love the country as he did.  When we lived in Spain he was a member of the A Team walkers.  One had to be invited to join this group and there were not many asked to do so.   They were and still are considered to be the elite of mountain walkers that venture out to do amazing walks over almost impossible terrain and abseiling down places etc.  In fact the  Guardia {Spanish Police} called upon this team to help them in the search for a missing walker.  When the A Team arrived one could hear an intake of breath as these mostly retired walkers turned up.  However they quickly went on to realise they could not cover the terrain as these more experienced walkers and decided to set up camp lower down and let the A Team carry on!  Respect for this team grew ever stronger.  

Colin appreciates all that has been done for me and all of us inflicted with this terrible disease.  We need to raise awareness yes of course but we also need more funds so in appreciation of all that has been and is still being done for us all  he has decided to do this challenge.  Not bad for an old guy of 74 years.  

He is in training now, this cannot begin on the day the challenge begins.  Fitness has to be built up gradually and he goes for many a 70 mile ride on a Sunday or takes the motor home to different places that are challenging for bike riders and throws himself into each day with gusto.

We are planning to spend time in Spain on the lead up to this challenge as it is very taxing for bike riders and where we used to live teams do their training there from all over the world.   Colin will be doing a lot of work over there to make sure he is fit for the job.

He has already booked accommodation for most his of the journey so he is aware that he cannot slack at all,, the miles must be done but he has a purpose and that is to do all he can too give back to the A Teams that keep us all alive.  To say thank you to the ones that have gone before us, to try to help the ones that will come after us and  to honour all inflicted with ph and just generally do all he can for our society.   

I could go on but he has just shouted up the stairs “don’t be saying too much! “  Those that know him know he is a private person and so to put himself out there is a huge step for him believe me.  

I can only hope that all those that are able will go onto the JUST GIVING page and show your appreciation for everything that is ph.  

I will from time to time send snippets of him training and tell you where he is up to in his planning.  I need to keep this story active so none of you forget!  I feel sure you will appreciate what he intends to do!

I do not know how many people who have their names on the T-shirt are still alive.  I would hope all but truly do not know.  If you zoom in and see your name or know of somebody still with us please let me know.  

Well enough for now  I will write a normal blog later but this needs to be out there now I am told by those in the know!  Please be as generous as you can.  PH is such a great cause. I will speak again soon.

Love as ever

Carole xxx

Well that sat on the computer for a while so just a general update of us here today.

It seems the medicine I am taking for my systemic sclerosis is doing a good job on me.  When I met with my specialist three weeks ago he wrote on my notes “astonishing”  this was in relation to the tightness that was in my arms legs and shoulders.  My skin was stretched so very tightly that of course it hurt a lot.  As it slackened off I found myself being able to get up from the floor without  help which is great, I can wring out a dish cloth instead of leaving a soggy messy one in the bowl and I can also open a can on my own.  Whilst these things do not seem high on the can do list believe me they impacted a great deal on my life and so he relief is beyond words.  On the downside I have my bingo wings back!  As my skin slackened off gradually they returned.    Ah well we can’t have it all.

I cannot mention the name of the trial I am hoping to go on but will update later in the blog if and when I am informed  I may do.  That is if I actually get on it.  My echo shows such great results that I was told if the doctor that did it did not know I had ph he would not have realised I did.  Now as more tests are carried out we will wait to see if I am bad enough to go on this.  I have divided opinions, sad if I cannot as this will likely be my last trial, I have done so many but pleased that my condition seems to be stable. I sill put this down to the denervation which seems to have stopped my pressures rising.  It was a huge thing to undertake but is amazing the difference it makes.  I am told it has been approved in China, I may have the wrong country but anyway approved somewhere but not here yet  so I wait with bated breath for it to be  offered. Though they had hoped one hundred would trial this it sadly turned out to be just 17.  I do understand people being nervous about it but  now the proof is out there maybe others will feel they can do it when and if offered.  

Now I must get on and go next door to see Izzy.  She is growing so quickly and it makes me smile when I look out of the window in the morning to see her walking down the road with her backpack on to catch her bus to school.  Now more independent each day I feel pride but also sadness that she has left behind all those childhood ways that pleased us so much.  We did our best helping Danielle and later Chris raising her and feel we did a really good job.  Our role now is not so great but we are still an integral part of the family and always will be.  It always reminds me of the Abba song “Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning”  The song is about regrets that you did not do all you hoped to do with them and they keep sort of growing into the next phase of your life without your realising it.  I always think of it with my daughter too.  Time moves so quickly and things take over and before we know it they have grown and gone on heir own sweet way.  ……. ah well such is life.

Danielle does say that without us and our help she would not have been able to progress in her career as much as she has done.  Colin has taught her much about management and people! and we are a phone call away to offer any help we can do I do feel pleased of the difference we have made to their lives.  More importantly though we feel so blessed to have been able to guide and help Izzy on her way, from a new born to the 12 year old young lady she is today.  

We are meeting friends for lunch today and hope when we return to get a picture of Colin and his bike to put as a profile one on the sponsorship page.  Thank goodness for our family next door who have set this up for us.

Have a great day and take care each and every one of you.

Carole xxx